We use the words widow, widower, and orphan, but there is no word in our vocabulary that identifies the bereaved parent.

So I’ve coined the term willower.

will·ow·er (wĭlʹō-ər) noun

a. A bereaved parent.  b. A person whose child, or children, has died. c. A person that willows, or grieves the death of their child, or children: Each willower processes grief in his or her own way, in his or her own time.

[From the words willow, a weeping tree that has come to symbolize deep mourning, and power, the strength of will to carry on—despite loss.]

Finding New Meaning

He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. – Friedrich Nietzsche How Do We Go On In The Aftermath Of Pain And Traumatic Loss? The answer offered by well-known author and Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl is consistent with positive psychology, definitions of post-traumatic growth and the nature of the human spirit to hope. He… Continue reading Finding New Meaning

Quiet Darkness

A crowd gathers nightly Watching their sun’s show Applauding its brilliance Lovers, strangers, children and sages are one As the sun takes its bow Curtains of sea and sky close the performance Separating now into quiet darkness They hold on to their sun’s beauty Memorizing it with hope

Rebecca, my friend and confidant

Depression afflicts millions directly, and millions more who are relatives or friends of victims. It has been estimated that as many as one in ten Americans will suffer from the illness…which, in its graver, clinical manifestation takes upward of twenty percent of its victims by way of suicide. – William Styron (1990), Darkness Visible: A… Continue reading Rebecca, my friend and confidant

With the passage of time, we change. For better or worse. And we learn to cope. Though each of us copes and grieves and changes in our own way, in our own time.

As the days turn into years we learn to push away the painful memories so we can function, and breathe, and walk, and drive…

Writing our stories as we go, revising them, deleting, then rewriting again.

From With time, and lemons, we learn to change, posted March 21, 2013

Weeping willow

The weeping willow symbolizes beauty and melancholy and has long been associated with death and grief. The willow, tree of tears, tree of enchantment, intuition and dreams, tree of life, muse to poets and artists, rich in folklore and mythology, is a mysterious tree. With its flexible branches it inspires us to move with life’s experiences, rather… Continue reading Weeping willow

Cure for grief

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman

Dad, I miss you

“Hi Dad, it’s me.” “Hi Dee. Heidi!” (laughing) “Hey, Heidi!” (smirking) “Hi, Dad.” “Is this the person with whom I am speaking?” “Yes, Dad.” (laughing) “This is the person with whom you are speaking.” (laughing) “How are you, Deanna Lynn?” “I’m okay, Dad. I wanted to pick up the phone and call you today. There… Continue reading Dad, I miss you

And now, grief is a gorilla. Massive, strong, solid, sometimes silent—it lies still and rests—and sometimes loud—it howls and beats its chest. It can be sluggish and clumsy or nimble and sharp. And, as if I am the dead one, grief holds me and shakes my lifelessness with puzzled eyes, and pokes at me and nudges me and reminds me that yes, Living without my child is incomprehensible—impossible, but that I still have to breathe.

How you choose to live

“What is most important is not the cause or type of grief, but how you feel, the changes you make along the way, and how you choose to live afterwards..”  – Sameet Kumar, Grieving Mindfully

Dear Grief

My Questions… Dear Grief, There have been and still are times when I feel like this: I am hanging upside down in a body-sized tank of water, like Houdini, and I see and hear the world in a distorted and blurry, thick and muffled way. But at the same time I am the spectator watching… Continue reading Dear Grief

With time, and lemons, we learn to change

Everything must change Nothing stays the same Everyone must change Nothing stays the same The young become the old Mysteries do unfold ‘Cause that’s the way of time Nothing and no one goes unchanged There are not many things in life You can be sure of Except rain comes from the clouds And sun lights… Continue reading With time, and lemons, we learn to change