This morning

Sam would be twenty-two today. Every morning, I wake up to ‘reality’ and shake my head. But there’s something heavier about milestones, anniversaries, and birthdays — the rudest awakenings — that make it harder to face the day. So when I open my eyes and notice the time, 5:51 a.m., the moment Sam was born, I know he is nudging me to wake up and keep going.


“Mommy, are you awake?”

I notice the time glowing on my nightstand, 5:51 a.m.

I am. I’m awake.”

“Come outside. Look at the moon.” 

“I’m coming, Sammy. Wait for me.” 

In the distance, an owl is calling. I hurry outside to sit with him until the sun rises and he flies away again.

“Happy Birthday, my sweet boy.”


By Deanna

Rewriting life since the sudden death of my nine-year-old son, Sam (2007). Trying to LEARN, think, remember, IMAGINE, cope, care, read, EAT, write, live, LAUGH, listen, enjoy, walk, meditate, stretch, watch, stop, BREATHE...and keep going.

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